I hardly know where to start. I wish I were able to pull together a narrative, offer some uplifting ending.
But I'm worn down and confused and girding my loins for whatever needs to be done next.
My mother is dying. I arrived in Seattle a little over a week ago, intending to help her deal with some medical issues, but nothing major.
Within two days we learned that she has advanced cancer and she entered the hospital for a long string of tests. We have confidence in her new doctor, and he has involved mom in every decision.
And the decision, sadly, is that nothing can be done. We are looking at only a few weeks of life left.
Today my sister and I found a skilled nursing facility for her to move to tomorrow. Its' all one day at a time around here, though. We are learning, all of us, as we go. I have my beliefs that give me courage; I have friends to support me; I have family that is taking care of my obligations in Berkeley; I have a sister who is with me. I do not have to be afraid.
I am convinced that my mother will be fine, although that does not mean that she will be healed.
Hugs to you and your family Janine. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.
Posted by: Maia | June 20, 2011 at 06:36 PM
Dearest Janine, If you can set a course for stability in your days, it helps. And, by all means, ask questions constantly. Keep the facility on its toes. Be a pain in their neck. Understand every single thing they say and intimate. Do not let them get away with anything you even think might be said for their pocketbooks rather than for your mother. Having just gone through it, the experience is still raw with clarity.
Nancy
Posted by: Nancy | June 20, 2011 at 06:42 PM
Janine, my thoughts are with you. Laurel
Posted by: Laurel | June 20, 2011 at 06:53 PM
I'll be thinking of you a lot now Janine. I still remember how wonderful you were in supporting me when my Mom went through this. Much love to you, Tori and your mom. If you need me, I am here.
Pat
Posted by: Pat Frank | June 20, 2011 at 06:56 PM
Janine -
Unfortunately, there are way too many of us who have stood where you are at. Remember, you are have a great support system and lean upon them. Take advantage of the time that you have with your mom while she is aware of you and what is going on.
I feel for you and will think good thoughts for you all.
Penny
Posted by: Penny | June 20, 2011 at 07:08 PM
Dear Janine, You are surrounded by love and care. I know you and your sister will take good care of your mom's needs until the end of her life. I was fortunate to be with my mom the last four days of her life -- expecting and wanting it to be longer -- and I will be glad of that for the rest of my life. I know that we all did our best to make her comfortable and that is all we can hope for. It was shocking how quickly it happened but I recall being so busy that I didn't have time to think. Ultimately, I was mostly glad that she did not suffer longer than she did. I, too, had lots of love and support when I needed it. If you need anything, let me know.
Love to you,
stephanie
Posted by: Stephanie | June 20, 2011 at 07:14 PM
Thanks for letting us share this with you.
Posted by: Katie K | June 20, 2011 at 08:12 PM
Janine, I know how difficult this is. Like others who have posted, I've been in your shoes. I did learn from my own experience (actually not until after my experience) that it's a privilege to be able to help our parents on this journey...and also how grateful I am that things didn't go any another way. You are in my thoughts.
Posted by: Merry | June 20, 2011 at 09:25 PM
I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. May comfort and peace find you and your family. With love, Jewel
Posted by: Jewel | June 20, 2011 at 09:26 PM
Oh Janine, I am sorry to read this. There is nothing to be afraid of, but it may not be easy. The next few weeks will be precious ones, ones you will always remember. I'll be thinking of you.
Posted by: M-H | June 20, 2011 at 10:19 PM
Tough days, friend. I know it's a personal time. But if you'd like to get away for a knit... we're meeting tomorrow (Tuesday) at 1pm @ Revolutions Cafe in Greenlake (Seattle, WA). I can be reached personally at (206) 349-4785. If a group thing is not your speed, but you'd like to have some tea or a bite to eat, or a knit... please do call. I know we haven't met in person, but I'd like to extend my hand.
It's beautiful here by the lake, and I also have a private garden.
- Lisa C.
grippingyarn
Posted by: Lisa Chan | June 20, 2011 at 10:31 PM
I am so sorry.
We went through this with my FIL. first came the shock, then disbelief, and finally acceptance.
I hope that her passing is as pain free and serene as possible, my thoughts are with you at the sad time xx
Posted by: guernseygal | June 20, 2011 at 11:27 PM
Oh, I am so sorry to hear your sad and shocking news. Losing a parent is so, so hard.
Posted by: dclulu | June 20, 2011 at 11:33 PM
What shocking news! Please accept my sympathy.
Posted by: Freyalyn | June 21, 2011 at 01:01 AM
J -- thinking of you. Lots of love.
Posted by: Erika | June 21, 2011 at 03:19 AM
I'm so sorry, Janine. I hope it goes as well as possible, and any pain/discomfort is dealt with. I know that there are good places, with excellent, compassionate care. I hope your mom finds comfort in hers.
Posted by: Colleen | June 21, 2011 at 04:45 AM
so sorry to hear this. Love to you all
Posted by: Lynn | June 21, 2011 at 04:49 AM
Sending hugs your way.
Posted by: Jennifer | June 21, 2011 at 04:53 AM
There are many loving arms here to hold you, I hope for peace for you and your mom and your sister. Bless...
Posted by: CCK | June 21, 2011 at 05:04 AM
Oh dear, this is so hard, but I promise you that you will survive. Thank heavens you and your sister have this time with your Mother and each other. My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Posted by: Syd | June 21, 2011 at 05:33 AM